I try to do a lot of offline activism in fact I do more offline more than I do online these days. How do we fix that?įor what it’s worth, I have talked to a lot of people involved in asexual activism to various degrees who experience very similar feelings. It feels like many of us are trying to spread visibility while staying invisible. If you do, you’re relentlessly attacked by the Internet Troll Machine. If you don’t, you’re ashamed of who you are. Reporters ask if you’ll go on the record with your real name. There are only a handful of asexuality activists who use names, and it’s a good bet that some of them are pseudonyms. We mostly hide behind Internet handles and anonymous 60 pixel square images. Someone wrote to me about my book once and remarked that their parents are skeptical of asexuality because everyone who talks about it seems “unofficial”. All of the posts on this site are attributed to the website itself. I prefer to do my work behind the scenes. I’ve been completely unable to form any kind of meaningful connection with any of you. I never use my name, I rarely give any kind of personal details. I’m much more comfortable when I have hours, if not days, to think about what I want to say and have the opportunity to edit, tweak, and fine tune my message for as long as I feel is necessary. Maybe I’m simply not suited to one-on-one outreach. How am I supposed to explain what it’s about in less than ten seconds, without confusing the person or making them feel uncomfortable? What’s the best way to approach asexuality education and outreach in a context where that education is unexpected and potentially unwanted? Talking about my sexual orientation isn’t idle chit-chat with a stranger in the elevator, that’s a thermonuclear TMI bomb. It’s just not relevant, so why should I bring it up?īut what would I say, anyway? If someone asks about my bracelet or my bumper sticker, they’re probably just making casual small talk. #Asexual visibility day softwareI don’t even talk to people about the music I like, so why on earth would I want to talk to them about my sexual orientation? Asexuality has very little to do with my day job as a software engineer. I’m a natural recluse and don’t really like sharing personal details with others. Mostly, I guess I just feel that it isn’t anybody’s business but my own. I feel like I’m a visibility activist in the witness protection program. It quickly became clear that she had parked near me and would see my car. She kept the casual conversation going as we walked. We made small talk about the company as we took the elevator down to the parking garage. I met a new coworker the other day as I was leaving the office. It feels like I’m wearing a giant flashing neon sign on my finger. I fidget with it, I hide it, I start using my left hand to point at things. I know they aren’t, that no one even notices, but that doesn’t help. On the rare day that I’ve actually worn the ring, I end up hiding it. The flag pin on my camera lanyard is only seen when I’m using my camera, and I typically only use my camera when I’m on vacation a thousand miles from anyone I know. “What’s that bracelet about?” “What’s that ring for?” “What’s the flag mean?” The bracelet typically gets hidden by my watch, so it’s not very prominent. I’m worried that one day, someone will ask me about one of those things. Hell, I literally wrote the book on asexuality. I have a magnetic black ring on my cabinet at work. I have a little asexuality lapel pin that I keep on my camera lanyard. I like to consider myself openly asexual. I have an ace flag bumper sticker on my car. Every day, I wear a black-gray-white-purple bracelet.
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